Big Man on Campus

So here's one of my stories from school. . .

On the first day there were 5 English teachers, including J and me, who, by the request of our department head, went to meet the big Director of the school...the Head Hancho, the Big Kahuna, the Grande Enchilaaaaada. We walked into his huge fancy office with his big leather sofa, flat screen tv (first I've seen in Thailand), and huge windows. He barely looked at us from behind his desk while we sat down behind this huge fruit basket that we brought as a gift, unacknowledged by him.

We waited patiently with big smiles on our faces, sitting up nice and tall in our stupid nun outfits, "wai"-ing to him and saying "sawadeeka" (hello in Thai). Before you know it, 5 minutes pass and there hasn't been one word spoken. Meanwhile, my tongue is about to fall off from biting it so hard because I am sitting through the most awkward 5 minutes of my life. You literally could have heard a pin drop. The whole time the director was signing pages, one-by-one out of this huge portfolio. He got to the last page, closed the folder and the teachers and I took a sigh of relief for this awkward silence to break. And what does the guy do. . .he picks up another huge folder and starts signing away.

I thought I was going to lose it. There was just too much silence and tension for one girl to handle. The five of us sat on the couch completely avoiding eye contact with one another. Unfortunately J and I were next to eachother and she knows me to well so the second my shoulders started shaking from trying to hold in my laughter, she started having to fight off the urge to burst out laughing too.

He finally sat down in front of us and read a speech that his secretary wrote for him while he held the paper up in front of his face. Still so awkward. Then he slid back in his chair, leaned to one side and asked us how many YEARS we've been in Thailand (we all say "about 1 month". . .he's not impressed). Then he waved his hand out and said "speak Thai" (all of us can only say "hello" and "thank you" in Thai. . .again, he's not impressed). Then he leaned back in his chair even further and just staaaaaaaared at us. Then we lost it.

As my mom calls it, I got the "church pew giggles" when you're not supposed to be laughing, so it makes you laugh even harder. Luckily we were all able to muster out something about "being really happy to teach at the school", as an attempt to cover up our giggling. He eventually just said ok, waved his hand at the door for us to leave, muttered some sort of "thank you for the fruit" and we were finally free.

It was one of those times we wish you all could have been flies on the wall to witness it. . .or we just wish WE were the flies on the wall so we wouldn't have had to sit through it.